Judgment is a universal human response, a cognitive process that helps us make sense of the world by categorizing people, situations, and things. It originates from our brain's instinctual need for patterns and assessments, often as a survival mechanism. Early humans needed to judge potential dangers to keep themselves safe, and this instinct has lingered. Today, however, our judgment often extends beyond practical assessments and into evaluating the worth or character of others based on our subjective perspectives, experiences, or societal conditioning.
Our judgments are shaped by the stories we’ve been told, the influences of our upbringing, and the cultural, social, and sometimes religious frameworks that have influenced our views. These inherited biases can create unfair evaluations, influencing our attitudes toward others without fully understanding where they originated.
Why Do We Judge?
Judging others is something we all do, sometimes without even realizing it. We judge to quickly make sense of the world; it's part of our brain's survival wiring. But often, our judgments aren’t just about understanding or safety—they’re shaped by our insecurities, beliefs, or even societal pressures.
Dr. Brené Brown researches vulnerability and shame and suggests that we often judge as a defense mechanism. By focusing on others' flaws, we avoid dealing with our own or feel a temporary sense of superiority. Psychologists call this “projection,” where we push our insecurities or fears onto someone else.
Why Should We Stop Judging?
Judgment hurts those we judge—it affects us, too. It can prevent us from forming meaningful connections, cause unnecessary stress, and even encourage hurtful behaviors like bullying. The National Academies of Sciences found that social exclusion, which stems from judgment, is a big contributor to bullying. Judging someone creates a “them vs. us” mentality, which can lead to ridicule and discrimination.
On the other hand, learning to be less judgmental opens us up to compassion, acceptance, and genuine connection with others. We become more understanding, patient, and even happier in our own lives. So, how can we start letting go of judgment?
Steps to Stop Being Judgmental
Here’s a practical guide to help you work on releasing judgment and building a more compassionate mindset.
1. Notice When You’re Judging
Start by simply being aware of when you’re judging. Catching yourself in a judgmental moment is the first step. Maybe it’s a critical thought about someone’s appearance or a snap judgment based on behavior. Notice it without feeling guilty or beating yourself up; just recognize it’s happening.
Try this: Keep a “judgment journal” for a few days. Jot down a judgmental thought every time you notice it. This will help you see patterns and become more aware of your thoughts.
2. Ask Yourself Why
Once you notice a judgmental thought, ask yourself why you feel that way. Often, judgment comes from our insecurities or beliefs. Are you judging because you feel insecure, anxious, or out of place? Are you projecting your fears or assumptions onto others?
Example: If you judge someone’s appearance, consider whether you feel insecure about yourself. This self-reflection can be eye-opening and help you understand where your judgment is coming from.
3. Practice Empathy by Putting Yourself in Their Shoes
One of the most powerful ways to combat judgment is to practice empathy. Imagine what life might be like for the person you’re judging. Everyone has struggles, insecurities, and reasons for doing what they do.
Try this: Next time you catch yourself judging, pause and try to see things from the other person’s perspective. Ask yourself, “What might they be going through that I don’t know about?”
4. Challenge Stereotypes and Biases
Our judgments are often shaped by societal stereotypes or biases we’ve picked up over time. Be willing to challenge these. Ask yourself if there’s any truth to your assumption or if it’s just a mental shortcut. This is especially important because stereotypes often lead to unfair treatment and discrimination.
Practice this: Actively seek out stories, books, or media that challenge common stereotypes. The more you expose yourself to different perspectives, the more you understand and empathize with others.
5. Shift to Curiosity Instead of Criticism
Instead of making a judgment, try getting curious. Curiosity helps us move from “us vs. them” to “we’re all human.” When you see someone behaving differently, ask yourself, “What might be motivating that behavior?” Curiosity replaces judgment with a desire to understand, which naturally reduces negativity.
Example: If you judge someone’s choices, pause and think about what their life might look like or what experiences led them there. Curiosity opens the door to understanding.
6. Remind Yourself of Your Imperfections
We all have flaws and things we’re working on. Remind yourself that no one is perfect, including yourself. Dr. Kristin Neff, an expert on self-compassion, explains that we’re less likely to judge others harshly when we accept our imperfections.
Try this: When you catch yourself judging, remind yourself of something you struggle with or are working to improve. It helps put things in perspective and encourages empathy.
7. Practice Self-Compassion
When we’re hard on others, it’s often because we’re hard on ourselves. Practicing self-compassion can help reduce judgment by helping us be gentler with our imperfections, making it easier to accept those of others.
Practice this: Next time you feel critical of yourself, pause and say something kind to yourself. It can be as simple as “I’m doing the best I can” or “It’s okay not to be perfect.”
8. Replace Judgment with Kindness
Finally, make a conscious effort to replace judgmental thoughts with kind ones. This doesn’t mean you must agree with or accept everyone’s choices, but you can respond with kindness rather than criticism.
Example: Instead of thinking, “They shouldn’t be doing that,” try, “They’re doing their best, just like I am.” This simple shift can help reduce negativity and foster a more positive mindset.
Embracing Imperfection: None of Us Are Perfect
We’re all flawed, and that’s okay. No one has it all figured out, and everyone is dealing with something. By accepting our imperfections, we can learn to see others in a kinder, more compassionate light. Understanding that we’re all on our unique journey makes it easier to let go of judgment and embrace empathy.
When we start seeing people for who they are—beyond our judgments—we give ourselves and others the freedom to be authentic. So, next time you judge someone, try taking a step back. Ask yourself if that judgment is essential or holding you back from connecting on a deeper level. After all, we’re all in this together, and the world is much kinder when we choose acceptance over judgment.
Disclaimer: Journaling is a powerful tool to support your healing process. The CBT exercises in Journals to Healing journals are intended to help you analyze and reframe your thoughts as part of a personal growth journey. However, these journals do not replace therapy or professional help. If you are experiencing intense emotions or feelings beyond your control, please seek professional assistance. Resources such as the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (988) and Crisis Text Line (Text HOME to 741741) are available 24/7 for support. Remember, reaching out for help is a strength, and healing is a process.
Comments