One of the biggest struggles I have faced that hinders my success is my fear of being the center of attention. I know this sounds weird, but there are things I want to do, like start a podcast and create videos to help people. I can’t seem to get past it. There’s always an excuse: I don’t want to get ready, I have too much work to do, I don’t want to do the edits—the list goes on. I was raised in a house where I was taught to remain humble. Any sign of ego, my mom would say something like, “You’re getting a little too big for your britches, kid.”
I understand why I was taught that. My parents wanted me to be kind and not let my ego rule my life. But the unintended consequence was a fear of “being too much,” “showing off,” or “bragging.” I struggle with posting things about myself, and every time I do, I feel cringy. I force myself because the message I want to share is important. I’ve gradually improved but still feel weird about selfies and videos. Baby steps, right?
This got me thinking: What happens when well-meaning parenting concepts, like the importance of humility, create unintended consequences? How do we find the line between staying grounded and embracing the courage to put ourselves out there? Here’s what I’ve learned—and am still learning—about walking this fine line.
The Roots of the Fear of Being “Too Much”
Growing up, many of us heard phrases like “Don’t show off,” “Be humble,” or “Stay grounded.” These are often said with the best intentions, teaching us the value of humility and the importance of treating others with respect. However, these lessons can sometimes leave an imprint that makes us afraid to take up space or share our accomplishments.
This fear of being “too much” often stems from a misunderstanding: expressing ourselves or showing confidence is the same as being arrogant. But there’s a significant difference between sharing our gifts and being egotistical. One inspires others, while the other demands validation.
How Humility Can Turn Into Self-Sabotage
When humility becomes a fear of being seen, it can hold us back in many areas of life. Here are a few ways it might show up:
Avoiding Opportunities: You might pass up chances to shine—whether taking on leadership roles, pursuing creative projects, or advocating for yourself—because you don’t want to seem “full of yourself.”
Imposter Syndrome: Even when you’re qualified and capable, you might feel like you’re not enough or worry that others will think you’re “faking it.”
Procrastination: You might be delaying projects that would put you in the spotlight. The fear of judgment creates a cycle of avoidance.
Downplaying Accomplishments: You might dismiss your successes or brush off compliments, which diminishes your confidence and denies others the chance to celebrate your growth.
Steps to Embrace Your Light Without Losing Your Humility
If you’re navigating this struggle, know it’s possible to honor your humility while stepping into your power. Here are some strategies I’m using to find balance:
Reframe Your Beliefs Replace “I don’t want to seem egotistical” with “I have something valuable to share.” Confidence isn’t arrogance; it’s trusting in your ability to contribute meaningfully.
Set Your Intentions If your goal is to help others, focus on that. When I post about my journals or healing journey, I remind myself that I intend to provide support and inspiration, not to seek attention.
Celebrate Baby Steps The goal is progress, not perfection. Start small, like sharing a personal story or a selfie with a meaningful message. Over time, it will get easier.
Create Safe Spaces to Practice Before using public platforms, practice in low-risk environments. Record videos for yourself, write blog drafts or share your thoughts with close friends.
Recognize Your Impact Think about the people who might benefit from your courage. Sometimes, the fear of being “too much” fades when we realize how much good we can do by being seen and heard.
Forgive the Cringe: It’s okay to feel awkward. Growth often comes with discomfort. Every time you push past it, you rewrite the narrative that keeps you small.
Finding the Balance Between Humility and Self-Expression
The line between humility and self-expression doesn’t have to be so rigid. Humility is about staying connected to others and grounded in your values, not dimming your light. You can share your successes, voice your ideas, and express yourself while still honoring the lessons of humility you grew up with.
By exploring this balance, I’ve started to see that my fear of being “too much” is a shadow of my more profound desire to help others. I’m learning to embrace that desire and take steps—even baby steps—toward sharing my voice. And if you’re feeling the same pull, I hope you’ll join me on this journey.
My Journey: Still in Progress
If you’re reading this and thinking, “Okay, but what if I’m still scared?”—let me tell you, you’re not alone. I’m not cured of this fear by any means. You don’t see any videos of me yet, do you? That’s because I’m still working on it. Whenever I think about hitting “record,” the old doubts creep in: “What if I look awkward? What if I say something wrong? What if nobody cares?”
But here’s the thing—I know I’ll get there someday. If nothing else, I’m stubborn. When I set my mind to something, I do it. I might take my time, and the process might not be pretty, but I’m committed to overcoming this fear. So, even though you don’t see videos yet, they’re coming. It’s just a matter of when.
Let me share a little secret: Before launching my journals, they were finished and ready for about three weeks. But I couldn’t bring myself to post them on Amazon. Imposter syndrome hit me like a ton of bricks. I was paralyzed by fear, terrified to put this work—work that meant more to me than anything I had ever created—out into the world.
The “what-ifs” crept in: What if no one buys them? What if people hate them? What if I’m not good enough? It was overwhelming. I started working through the fear as best I could. I talked to friends, journaled about it, and repeated mantras to remind myself why I was doing this.
Then, I went to work one day, and it was just an awful day. I came home feeling angry and fed up, and at that moment, I decided to channel my frustration. Without giving it a second thought, I hit publish on my computer. I used the force of my anger to push past the fear, and suddenly, it was done—my journals were live.
I know how to overcome fear; I’ve done it before, and do it again. Sometimes, it takes me a little longer to work through it, but I always find a way. The key is to keep moving forward, even if you have to power through in unexpected ways.
And if I can do it, so can you. Let’s keep pushing past the fear, one step at a time. Someday, we’ll look back and realize how far we’ve come.
Disclaimer: Journaling is a powerful tool to support your healing process. The CBT exercises in Journals to Healing journals are intended to help you analyze and reframe your thoughts as part of a personal growth journey. However, these journals do not replace therapy or professional help. If you are experiencing intense emotions or feelings beyond your control, please seek professional assistance. Resources such as the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (988) and Crisis Text Line (Text HOME to 741741) are available 24/7 for support. Remember, reaching out for help is a strength, and healing is a process.
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