In recent years, the word “authentic” has been tossed around so much that it’s almost lost its true meaning. I’ve noticed more and more people using authenticity to justify hurtful, dismissive, or outright disrespectful behavior. Being "authentic" seems to have become an excuse to say or do whatever you want without considering the impact on others. But here's the thing: that’s not authenticity—just being nasty.
True authenticity is about being honest and true to yourself, but it doesn’t mean disregarding the feelings of others or using your “truth” as a weapon. Being authentic isn’t about bulldozing through people’s emotions because you think you’re entitled to say whatever is on your mind. Unless your true, authentic self is a hateful person (and I don’t believe most people are), then no, that behavior is not authenticity. It’s just cruelty dressed up in self-righteousness.
Authenticity Is More Than Brutal Honesty
So, what does authenticity mean? It’s about living in alignment with my values, beliefs, and emotions while being considerate of those around me. It’s not about being brutally honest, just for the sake of it. Sure, honesty is essential, but real authenticity involves empathy. It means understanding that while expressing yourself, others have feelings, too. It’s possible to be true to yourself without being harmful to others.
Authenticity is about owning who you are, imperfections and all, but it’s not a free pass to be selfish or hurtful. If anything, it should come with more responsibility. When you’re authentic, you’re aware of your actions, how they affect others, and how they align with your values. If your authenticity leaves a trail of hurt behind, it’s time to reassess whether you’re truly authentic or just using the term as a shield for bad behavior.
Being Authentic Isn’t Always Comfortable
I’ve always considered myself emotionally open and authentic, but that doesn’t mean I’m perfect or haven’t faced uncomfortable truths about myself. Authenticity requires reflection—it asks us to dig deep and ask ourselves hard questions. Am I being honest? Am I living in line with my values? Am I showing up for the people in my life with integrity?
Sometimes, being authentic means owning up to the times when you weren’t your best self, when your actions hurt someone, or when you didn’t stay true to your values. It’s not about perfection but about accountability. It’s about being willing to grow, to apologize when needed, and to adjust your behavior if it doesn’t align with who you genuinely want to be.
The Problem With Weaponizing “Authenticity”
What’s concerning is how often “authentic” excuses negative behavior. Someone lashes out, disregards another’s feelings, or behaves in a toxic way, and then claims, “I was just being authentic.” No, you weren’t. You were being rude and used the word “authentic” to justify it. That's not authenticity unless being disrespectful is truly who you are at your core (which I hope it isn’t).
People are bastardizing the term, using it as a shield to avoid accountability. Authenticity, in its most accurate form, isn’t about being unkind or ignoring the feelings of others. It’s about being honest, yes, but also about being aware. Being authentic means you’re not hiding behind a mask, but you’re not hiding behind excuses.
Living Authentically With Integrity
At the end of the day, true authenticity comes with a balance of honesty, empathy, and integrity. It’s about being yourself in a way that’s genuine, not performative or self-serving. It’s about understanding that while you have a right to your emotions, thoughts, and values, others have theirs, too, which should be respected.
We need to stop using authenticity as a get-out-of-jail-free card for bad behavior. Authenticity is beautiful when lived with intention and care, not when used to harm others or justify toxic actions. It’s not about being perfect but about striving to be a better, more accurate version of yourself—while still honoring the humanity of those around you.
So the next time someone throws around the word “authentic” as a reason for hurting someone else, remember: authenticity, at its core, is about truth. And the truth is, you can be yourself without being harmful. That’s what it means to be authentic.
Disclaimer: Journaling is a powerful tool to support your healing process. The CBT exercises in Journals to Healing journals are intended to help you analyze and reframe your thoughts as part of a personal growth journey. However, these journals do not replace therapy or professional help. If you are experiencing intense emotions or feelings beyond your control, please seek professional assistance. Resources such as the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (988) and Crisis Text Line (Text HOME to 741741) are available 24/7 for support. Remember, reaching out for help is a strength, and healing is a process.
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